Commitment

Going through this phase where I am losing my faith in people AGAIN (It was LOW to begin with). What I can’t understand is how people can make commitments and just blow them off. If I say I am going to do something for or with you, you can treat that like a guarantee unless circumstances beyond my control prevent it, because I believe I live and die on my word. I may be delayed at times due to my schedule and you may think I might not get back to it, but it is on my list and I’m working my way back. If by some chance circumstances do totally prevent or other parameters of the situation change my commitment overall, I will be honest about that and say so. But I keep running into people who make a commitment and simply don’t fulfill it or even make an attempt to with no real explanation that makes sense. They then come back and engage you again as if all is cool, with no reference to the commitment made previously and often make MORE and you sit there wondering if they think you actually have as much faith in what they are saying the 2nd or 3rd or 4th time around. Where I come from, that is called “blowing smoke.” A bit more to that phrase, but I want to keep my PG rating. And as I used to say, if you keep blowing smoke in my direction, eventually my view of you is going to be extremely “foggy.” And what I cannot see or “feel” clearly , I cannot commit to. Besides, with asthma I really am allergic to most kinds of smoke and so I tend to increase the distance between me and those who consistently crank it out. I used to get real heartbroken or disappointed over this stuff, but as I have gotten older I have come to realize that its systemic within this civilization. So much of what is said and done is driven by self-interest, and commitments to others are quickly discarded, forgotten, or not meant beyond personal advantage and benefit in the first place. I guess that’s what scripture means by being in the world, but not of the world. I’m here, but I am not feeling this pattern of behavior which seems so endemic to most. My cipher is really a series of concentric circles of relationship like the solar system and if you “blow smoke” you can move from being as close as Mercury to being in the “dog house” out there with Pluto.

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