Egad! I Have Been Robbed. And I Am An Accomplice To The Crime

Today on my heart and mind I have a different kind of prayer. Lord let me not be desirous unto blindness. Those of you who have sojourned here know that I constantly bemoan those in the movement and the community who refuse to have an encounter with real empirical reality and instead retreat into some illusions and myths about those things, finding them more comfortable. Maybe the reason I am so perceptive and persistent about that is because I see those elements in my self and the destruction they have wreaked on my emotional life. Sometimes your perception of the world is based in part or primarily on an encounter with the clear mirror in your own house and your fight against it is your railing against the image you see. I struggle myself with reality, but not in terms of science or religion or those things external, but reality as it relates to some of my relationships with other human beings. It’s not TRUE blindness, in fact, I often “see” people’s fundamental spiritual characters and energies soon after I meet them. God has given me that gift/curse. The difficulty and why my prayers are about “desire” is that while I see clearly, I simply in love (in the broad sense of that term) choose to ignore what I see so clearly. It’s that Titanic passenger that realizes the iceberg is there and that it dooms the voyage but who simply refuses to acknowledge it until the moment of impact and tragedy, choosing to order a drink and check out the band. This is not the “ignorance is bliss”, but rather “ignoring is the illusion of bliss”. It is part of that search for human authenticity in a Eurocentric culture where if it exists at all, it is brutally repressed. For better or worse, the Imani you meet in person is almost exactly like the one you see at work, at church, at home. Perhaps not 100% owing to the different needs of those respective social roles, but remarkably more similar in each case, than a lot of the people I meet, who are totally different in different contexts. “Fronting” in Eurocentric culture is not the deviation, but the rule. Those who are not “fronting” are the anomaly and destined to get emotionally abused. I am often the person who knows that someone else is a thief, robbing me emotionally blind. The hard part is calling that thief a thief and not to them, per se, but coming to terms with them being a thief in my own life for myself and then governing myself accordingly. As soon as you know that there is a thief in your house, you would know to get them out, report them, take evasive or defensive measures, but to get going on that, you have to first accept the reality of them AS a thief. But I’m that guy as much as I at times want to purge THAT part of my spirit, that simply does not wish to accept the obvious definition of thief before my eyes and so pretends that the thief is not. It’s only after I am sitting in the empty room with no furniture that I am forced to conclude “Egad, I have been robbed.”

Love in my estimation, CANNOT be blind and remain truly love, any more than justice.


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