Real Parenting Wanted

May get in trouble again, but it’s the truth so who cares? I keep reading communal diatribes railing on “deadbeat” dads and “deadbeat” moms. I’m just gone say something and leave it alone. The overwhelming majority of these debates are about the fathers and mothers not paying system mandated child support. News flash. That’s not “parenting” anyway! While economic support for a child is necessary and a rightful and equal obligation of BOTH parents, (a fact the Eurocentric system intentionally ignores) that is NOT “parenting.” And while the parent yelling about the “deadbeat” opposite wants money, they often don’t want and explicitly say they don’t want and might even try to preclude this “deadbeat parent” from any meaningful substantive role in the life of the child. Child support, the Eurocentric legal construction, as well as the whole “deadbeat” iconography is more strategy by the oppressive system to undermine our families and get us to do more namecalling and stigmatization of ourselves. It also continues the “pimp-ho” dynamic where an Afrikan is reduced to an economic value like the slaves where and the other seeks to exploit that value. And, let me get deep, the idea that you can extract resources from someone peaceably when the basic aspect of love, trust, and respect has dissolved defies common sense and our cultures. I’d like to see everyone meet ALL of their obligations to our future, but together, by mutual cooperation, and according to OUR way. Neither namecalling, legal process, or a mere check makes a family or a mom or a dad and without those things, even calling something “support” for Afrikan children and their spiritual and cognitive development is a joke. What’s ‘deadbeat” is this tired narrative. Parenting is not primarily an economic phenomenon and while everyone male and female is watching and fighting over money, nobody is really parenting our kids. In fact in most areas since the whole court child support system was implemented the breakup of our families, domestic abuse and violence, and the impoverishment and delinquency of our children collectively has increased. It’s not men or women fixing something related to money that is the problem. It’s the breakdown in relationships, family, and our commitments to each other and God. As long as women point fingers at men and vice versa and it’s framed economically and personally rather than culturally and collectively, we will miss the boat. As long as we continue to equate parenting with money and continue to reject encouraging marriage, family construction, and collective self-sufficiency, embracing instead, Eurocentric courts and laws and cash as the solution to our parenting problems, our communities will collectively go down the drain.

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